and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
