Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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