Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
