bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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