I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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