Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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