I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
