Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
