I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
