Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
