the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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