I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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