I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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