I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
