That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
