He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
