so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
