pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
