She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
