did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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