i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize