my room smells like sperm. sweet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
