You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm always down for nudity.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize