I have demons in me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
