So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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