i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
