I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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