I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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