I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
