We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My bed smells like the plague
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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