I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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