like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
