Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
