We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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