I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
