I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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