Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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