She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize