he told me I talked like a deaf person
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
