I think my vagina is haunted
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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