If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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