You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
