I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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