so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
40s are totally the cure
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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