he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
