If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
