So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
