you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
