He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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