youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
