jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
