guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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