I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
