He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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