i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
