Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
