I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
