For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
