tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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