I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
