Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
