She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
