ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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