I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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