so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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