well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well I just put wine in my tea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
