I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
