i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
