And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
