And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
