Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
