no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
