We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
