He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
